My friends! My dear, long-lost, invisible internet friends! It has been so long, are you still out there?? Do you still like me?? Heck, do you still remember me? Or is this act of popping into your inbox like this just total and sheer audacity, and you are giving me side eye and already stretching and limbering up your best clicking finger to unsubscribe? If that is the case I don’t blame you at all, it has been YEARS without a single line or whisper from me… You may be wondering, there on the other side of your screen, if I was kidnapped or something? And I basically was, by two tiny and surprisingly demanding humans I magically produced out of apparent nothingness. That was the beginning of five years of broken sleep, me googling “how much crying is normal even when the baby is touching me literally constantly,” and scrambling around in survival mode, trying to make sure I stuffed enough food into one end of these little creatures while expeditiously cleaning up excretions from the other end. SO. MANY. DIAPERS. And then of course there was that whole global pandemic and worldwide tragedy that further broke my brain and spirit, and other personal losses and challenges over the last five years, but we won't even get into all of that... besides sending solidarity to all of my friends still navigating a mental and spiritual return from the collective communal trauma we casually refer to as Covid-19.
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Back to my kids though, because at least they are also entertaining and adorable, something nobody can say about global tragedies...
These magical little beings that appeared out of nothingness somehow seem to feel that they have Squatters Rights of total ownership over me… talk about audacity! Most of the time I don’t mind, they are the light of my life and so on, wouldn’t trade it for the world, etc, although I really would like to negotiate for time enough in the day to remember how this keyboard thingy works. Just kidding, none of this was typed on a keyboard, it was typed on my phone squinting in the dark while trying to force one of the tiny humans to stay asleep for another hour, so our experience of the world the next morning would be slightly less desperate and toddler would be slightly less cantankerous. Ooo obstreperous! That’s an even better word! See, I DO still remember things like words, and how to stick a whole sentence together so that it mostly makes sense! Even though the majority of these sentences are way too long... I am going to leave them alone despite my inner editor absolutely losing her shit over my sloppiness. Oh, so sorry, excuse the french, I don’t think I ever used to swear on this blog did I?? Now when I get out of earshot of the Little Rascals I turn into a total world-weary, diaper-mouthed sailor, exhausted and pissy from navigating the oceans of toys on my floors and seas of existential doubt in my brain. Newsflash, kids are exhausting, who am I even any more??? What is the meaning of it alllllllll??
Okay, enough of that, if you are still reading you are such a good person and kind invisible internet friend. I am hugging you invisibly back! AND if you are still reading but feeling annoyed at my unwanted return to your consciousness, you know what to do! Click click click, and I will bother you no more. But if you DO want my continued presence in your life, I promise there will be more of what originally brought us together…. Tiny brutal and funny book reviews! Friday Frivolity! Capsule wardrobe fashion fun! That last one might take the longest to resurrect though, given that I currently live in leggings and tees, and remembering to stick a bracelet on my wrist is like, an empowering Seize the Day moment. But I have faith in us, we will get there again! And as for now, I have another post already scheduled, as proof I am committed to our online friendship despite my years of disappearance…. The glorious return of Read / Don’t Read, Funny and Brutal Book Reviews in Miniature!
Last note, because I don’t want to leave while I am finally here chatting with you, seriously THANK YOU for reading all this tired ramble. I missed you! I know the Gods and Experts of the Internet say that blahgs are dead and their era has ended, but I would love it if you momentarily returned to the past to leave me a comment, or send me an email at devastateboredom at gmail and I’ll respond! AND if you are absolutely feeling wildly generous, would you consider forwarding this on to someone else who might also want to be internet friends, or give me a follow and share on facebook? I appreciate every one of you and every bit of kind encouragement more than you could know! Life is so often just a long hard slog, and we can't do it without our people. I hope you will be one of mine, and I would be honored to be one of yours in return. 💕
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