Crazy Things I've Seen in Texas: Antique Shop Edition!

I know you have been worried lately, and I know what about.  No, it isn't about the state of American politics (God help us... *pauses to pray*) and it isn't about all of the violence in the news (*pauses for more fervent prayers*). I can't do anything about those things, unfortunately, but I CAN relieve your mind on one score.  I may have moved away from Texas, but I STILL have more Crazy Things I've Seen in TX posts headed your way!  Yes, I knew you were worried you'd seen the last of them!  And I knew that the zombies, sketchy signs, and crazy cars weren't going to be enough to satisfy your need for Texan oddity...


So I'm back for you today, with all kinds of strange stuff that was formerly lurking in Dallas closets and attics!  That's right, we're going to explore an antique shop together... get excited!

I'm not going to lie... in the midst of lots of beautiful items, there was a lot of weird stuff too.  

Exhibit 1:

"Stop the World, I Want to Get Off!" -- New Musical Smash 

This vintage sheet music got to go first because of the aforementioned political and global upheaval we've been witnessing lately... anybody else considering colonizing the moon with me?  *coughFleeTrumpcough*  Though knowing humans, we'd just bring the problems right along with us, packed in along with our oxygen tanks... 

 *sigh*

Exhibit 2:  

"Bedtime Bells -- Ring When Ready!  Ring-a-Ding Ding, It's Time to Swing!"

This set of retro bells was presented primly in a plastic bag, as though to assure all viewers that it was NEVER put to use... hysterical!  

Exhibit 3:

Antique deep diving helmet

I don't know if this deep diving helmet was actually ever put to use, but it sure looked real!  And creepy! I had the distinct feeling that anyone who tried it on would instantly be possessed by the spirits of long-dead treasure hunters.  But hey, if colonizing the moon doesn't work out, we could always repopulate Atlantis!  

Exhibit 4:

"If He Can Fight Like He Can Love, Good Night, Germany!"

I LOVE the naughty undertones of this World War I era sheet music!  Warriors conquering the enemy by the strength of their loving hearts... or by their skill in the loving arts... the message actually gets pretty confusing the longer you think about it.

Exhibit 5:

"Thou Shalt Not Get Fat"

I call this hypocritical cookie jar "The Chiding Monk."

Exhibit 6:

 The Original Nut Bromose Kelloggs antique tin -- The Kellogg Food Company -- Used and Endorsed by the Battle Creek Sanitarium

Modern snack-product marketing just fails to recognize the value of a good sanitarium endorsement! 

Exhibit 7:

Antique McCormick Celery Salt glass bottle

This one (and the Nut Bromose too for that matter) are both proof that hoarders are smarter than they seem.  They know, as the rest of us just fail to recognize, that if you leave stuff in your pantry long enough, it turns into Antiques.  And then it can sit at an antique store, instead of in your pantry.

Exhibit 8:

"Cod Vitamins -- Restores Vim-Vigor Vitality"

So much creepy in this cabinet!  And yep, I'm pretty sure that's the original vigor-restoring cod liver oil in the bottles.

Exhibit 9:

Taxidermy Squirrels, Canoeing 

So very horrifying and... athletic...  

I think my favorite thing about this one (beside the general bizarreness) is how ticked off the poor squirrels look.  This is clearly NOT how they planned to spend their afternoon.

I hope you enjoyed this tour through some odd and entertaining relics of history with me!  I'll be back soon with Crazy Stuff I've Seen in Texas:  Road Trip Edition!  ;)

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Here are some of the places you might see this post partying!